A5

by Paul Merrigan
This Week Staff

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Having a child that is seriously ill is one of the greatest challenges and fears for any parent. No one wants to see their child ill or suffering and the overwhelming amount of information, meetings and jargon that you deal with in these situations can add to an already enormous stress level.

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As in any situation where you are dealing with professionals who all have various areas of specialty, the learning curve can be quite sharp, although not insurmountable. While you are unlikely to be able to cure the illness or solve your child's concerns on your own, becoming an effective advocate for your child will benefit both you and your child.

A normal reaction to dealing with various medical professionals is a strong feeling of frustration. Often parents feel that they are not being given all the information, that they are being talked down to (by physicians who feel that they may not understand certain information) or that their child is not receiving enough attention.

How you react to these or any other frustrations will go a long way towards how effective you can be as an advocate and ultimately, how helpful you are actually being to your child.

To be most effective in advocating for your child you have to put aside your own feelings and frustrations. In order to have your child's needs met, it is important to give some thought to what those needs actually are. Staying focussed on the needs and not necessarily getting everything your own way is a difficult but important part of advocating.

Establishing and maintaining a collaborative relationship with all of those involved with your child's care is vital. You are not "against" any of these people - everyone is working towards the same goal, the well-being of your child.

Advocating effectively means being taken seriously by all involved with your child, something which will be much easier if you are well-prepared, knowledgeable and most importantly, respectful of the work being done by the other team members.

Modelling a high level of openness and honesty to others can be of great use. Letting the professionals know when you understand what is being said and when you don't is important. Voicing concerns when you have them prevents frustration from building and keeps you involved. Arguing and taking things personally detracts from everyone's main purpose - the health of your child.

Asking questions is well within your rights and it is important that you know what professionals are thinking and what actions they plan on taking. No one knows your child as well as you do and it is important to know how doctors will handle interactions with your child. Never walk away from a meeting not knowing and understanding what has been said or decided.

While it is always the hope of any parent that these things will never happen to their children, the reality is that for some of us, it will happen. Remaining pleasant and persistent will be the keys to ensuring positive involvement as your child's advocate - who better to do the job?

Remain calm in the face of fear or concern, even if you disagree with what professionals are thinking and doing. This is easier said than done but very important.

* Paul Merrigan is a certified private personal counsellor and stay-at-home dad to two boys. He holds a M.Ed. in Counselling Psychology. To contact him or ask a parenting question, email paulmerrigan@hotmail.com or call 364-7401.