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Speak Up

From the moment you first drop your child off at daycare, the amount of influence and control you exert over them begins to diminish.

For the first few years, parents (or other adult caretakers) spend pretty much every waking moment with their children, deciding who their child spends time with and supervising them.

Once a child is given more independence from their parents, they become more dependent on kids their own age for their social cues.

While we would like to think that our children won't let what other kids say and do affect their decisions, the reality is that peer pressure starts pretty much as soon as kids find peers!

Peer pressure takes place when a child does something he or she does not want to do as a result of being pressured by peers - both positively and negatively.

While parents can't protect their children from experiencing peer pressure, there are steps they can take to minimize its effects.

Develop good relationships with your kids

While this seems like common sense, it is a very vital step to helping your child be truly independent. Being open and honest with your child will help both of you to develop trust.

Children who trust their parents are more likely to confide in them and come to their parents when they are in trouble.

Planning family activities where the entire family spends quality time together is also an important aspect of developing these relationships.

Explain what peer pressure is to your kids

Even adults understand the pressure of wanting to fit in at some point. Be sure to explain that feeling this pressure is normal, but that sometimes you have to resist it.

When children understand what peer pressure is and how it makes them feel, they'll be less likely to give in to it.

Knowledge is important

As a parent, you have a right and, more importantly, a need to know certain things about your kids. At a very young age, you should make it clear to your children that you need to know where they are, what they are doing and who they are doing it with.

As well, make it clear that you want to meet your child's friends. If possible, make an effort to meet the parents of your child's friends as well.

You can't choose their friends, but...

As parents discover quickly, forbidding something can often make it all the more tempting for kids and friends are no different.

Resist criticizing your children's friends, but discuss certain actions and behaviours that you question.

As well, encourage your children to have a variety of interests (and friends). This can help a child be more independent and also reduces the influence one particular group will have on your child.

Model and encourage assertiveness and individuality

Parents who are able to resist peer pressure and display their own individuality are teaching their children valuable skills. Teaching children to do what feels right regardless of other people is an important lesson. Be sure to praise assertiveness, as behaviours that are praised are more likely to be repeated.

Discipline

If your child misbehaves for any reason, peer pressure or other wise, it is important to have natural consequences. Lecturing them about it will likely not be enough to stop them from doing it again.

Restricting privileges, keeping them from certain activities or having them make restitution are all ways to discourage them from current poor behaviours.

If you truly feel that you have tried everything possible to help your child and can't seem to understand what is causing the problems, make sure you seek help.

Contacting a qualified mental health professional may provide insight and help to both you and your child.

* Paul Merrigan is a certified private personal counsellor and stay-at-home dad to two boys. He holds a M.Ed. in Counselling Psychology. To contact him or ask a parenting question for a future column, email paulmerrigan@hotmail.com or call 364-7401.